I'm Scared of the Life Beyond the Digital

Some may call it escapism, or just plain freak, but I seriously have no idea what I am supposed to do the moment I unplug.

Perhaps, I was the one who limited myself to the digital. I didn't want to step out of my comfort zone because I felt safe in my own space, which is the total opposite for some users. I am particularly shy around people, easily get intimidated, so I avoid conversations at all costs. I can't talk to others like my friends can, I can't argue or talk my way out of sticky situations in my everyday struggle. I must always have something to aid me, like the radio, and today, my blog. I became more dynamic and in touch with my surroundings because of the wonders of technology in communication. Since I built my social life around it, the thought of having to leave all these one day doesn't  appeal  to me at all. When I say leave, you know, like move on to other things in life and my virtual-self will have to take a backseat. I might have to reduce the time I spent online to focus on the profession that pays for the rent.

But right now, I find it difficult to gain control because I feel that this is what I'm bound to do. Things I know, or at least I claim to know, are acquired from my day-to-day interaction with the digital, and I'm not only referring to social networking sites of some sort. It's like everything around me no longer makes sense the very first second I know I'm disconnected. I won't be able to write this much, to talk this much, to speak out this much if I didn't have my connection to back me up. You try to make me talk in public setting, with thousands of eyes directed at me, I'm going to choke. Criticisms when it comes to my "craft" always get to me, but my blog and my photographs are constant reminders that I have done something right, so far. Without these, I don't even know what I am capable of. When I'm stripped off these privileges (at this point, yes, because I'm still waiting for it to become a right), I am hungry.

One day, probably, I would have to get out. I have to get over this phase, where I'm being all juvenile about the whole essence of communication on and offline. I may have to face the real world, interact with real people, deal with issues and problems in real life.

But what if the life, people deem as virtual, is what's real to me? That, too, scares me.

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